About Me >:Dsong: falling in reverse - voices in my headwhat's up friends and alibis it's me I'm the coolest fucking pure evil bastard faggot to ever live enforcer's imaginary friend / symbiotic demonic possession / ronnie slime infection that achieved sentience in its own right I am literally Dying Is Your Latest Fashion / Falling In Reverse (but mostly Dying Is Your Latest Fashion) personified. That is my nonhuman ID; that is my core identity, that is me. How does having a nonhuman ID for a band work, exactly, since bands are made up of people? uh, fuck if I know man, I just live here. the way I see it, there's a character and a vibe -- a core concept for the songs and album / band concept; we've got the conflation between beauty and violence, the undead imagery, the homoeroticism, the RSD-laden arrogance -- I am all of that and more. I'm not Ronnie, exactly, but I'm not not Ronnie either, and I do kinda faceclaim him. The relationship between me and Enforcer is...complicated? We're not a plural system, but, well, I'm more of my own thing with my own memories and vibes than their other nonhuman IDs -- they are FIR / DIYLF / Edge personified in their main form, but it's kinda more applied or a backdrop of sorts? idk how to explain it neither of us realized I could actually take control and have extended shifts until super recently @ time of writing. But, like, they are all of the things they are (anthro-snake, demon, deity, conceptual embodiment, Giratina, Zapdos, dragon, werebeast, vampire) and also them, but I'm not them; I'm also me. I've got my own dialogue with my own voice actor, and an avatar in the headspace, which is there and runs autonomously even when I'm not the main shift. I've got memories, which show up mostly in dreams but sometimes otherwise, of like actually being on stage doing shit / experiencing things in the band backstory myself / being on MySpace etc. Like, for a light example, I get an actual nostalgia hit from blinkies / stamps / etc. which Enforcer doesn't. I'm a separate thing, internally, from Enforcer's own self, although there's a lot of bleed; we do totally style ourselves after DIYLF / Ronnie IRL. we literally bring this picture every time we get a haircut and like that's my gender right there? 
I don't have a specific "sona" to point to; I don't really do the OC-type stuff (that's enforcer's thing; i'm more of a man of action myself -- they're the one who writes and draws about scene shit; I embody it irl and drip with vibes and also slime), but a lot of my shit that shows up autonomously in xyr head ends up in the fanfics -- Tay from Good Girls / Bad Guys, Situations, Mr. Goated, and both RRverse Ronnies kinda have some of me in there. If I had to pick a main faceclaim, it'd be 06!Ronnie, but with the black and red sparkledog color scheme from this tattoo design. 
As for how I look in headspace, I'm the apparition of Ronnie that sits on Enforcer's shoulder. which Ronnie I look like varies, but my most common versions are long-hair DIYLF / TDIMIY, Fashionably Late, or the 2020-21 version (long hair but pre-blackout sleeves and crown of thorn). I sit on or look over Enforcer's shoulder, or on the opposite wall from them in our room, and give out my Ronnie Opinions periodically, voice-acted in his voice and kinda based on his vibes (but with enforcer's core values; this is a trans inclusive and anti-domestic violence site; bad girls club enjoyers and bullies fuck off), autonomously against their will. how Ronnie I am dialogue-wise kinda varies; sometimes i'm overtly doing dialogue in the voice and character of one of the ronnies (a lot of this ends up going into rrrverse fanfics) but sometimes i'm more dispensing enforcer's rsd / other concerns but in his voice acting or vibes, or presenting ronnie solutions to their problems? core belief that mic stands can solve a lot of problems anyway, visually, how solid I am varies -- sometimes I'm a full solid humanoid Ronnie, sometimes I'm a shadow, sometimes I'm more like a black and red hologram or glitchy eldritch thing, and sometimes I'm a roughly humanoid pile of slime, like armus from star trek. i'm always kinda slimy no matter what; that's what the "tattoo sleeves" actually are oozing about under my skin so they move and shift and shit, except when I have the face tattoo that's real. i pretty often ooze with slime on the outside too even when solid when I'm sharing with enforcer / actually in the body, we solidly merge into something more like EtF / TDIMIY Ronnie, although sometimes the face tattoo creeps in if we're really feeling slimed. in the headspace I'm more abstract and don't really have a specific height, but if I'm actually in the body then my internal image is also short and trans  i'm not human, but i'm a little more human and more mammalian than enforcer. i'm decidedly not a reptile which is one of the main ways they can tell when i'm in; this is part of why situations the OC isn't totally me. enforcer is scaly all the time; they're a humanoid snake man even when they have legs, I'm not. here are some of the main body parts i feel sensations from when i'm rockin out in front
enforcer is also obsessed with ronnie, which you probably know by now, but i'm more of a man of action -- I don't really do much writing or intellectual thinking about my shit vs. embodying it IRL -- i end up getting forefronted when enforcer is having a Bad Time in order to turn that RSD / other such dysphoria into sparkly tdimiy arrogance. i also get called in when they're trying to be overtly masculine, although seeing as ronnie totally fails at being straight passing, not sure how effective that is. i love performing and giving presentations, and can be pretty damned confident even in public / with peeps we don't know well if I feel like I'm performing. i don't write intellectual blog posts or fanfic; rather if i am not actually singing / covering a song i'm gonna be carrying myself with the rsd-compensating arrogance of peak drug in me is you and attempting to be a charming motherfucking mad genius we are both profoundly gifted autistic 2e (HG+ giftedness is a neurotype and is inextricable from my experience w/ autism and everything else; i am qualitatively different from 1e folks of either variety; if you call yourself an "ex-gifted kid" or say "gifted kids are just adhd / autistic" I will actually bite you) but enforcer has never self-ID'd as a "genius"; if anything they got a little TOO good at perceiving themself as "well, it's not a big deal for me" and underestimated themselves intellectually / devauled their gifts. i have no such restraints i am a fucking mad genius and scientist and probably the smartest person in the room at all times i've also got a bit of inner child goin on; enforcer has been an edgyboi since day 1 but didn't really get the chance to fully embrace that until they were @ university and had dealt with the gender dysphoria, so i fully embrace the shit they wish they could have done when they were 13 without gettin shamed for it. I'm kind of a perpetual middle school boy. (jokes about!) sex, violence, sexy violence, horrible graphics, cringe was never real it's just bullying people 4 special interests and i am not about that chief i promise i'm not actually mean, but well, see falling in reverse; self-identifying as "evil" and the insult humor blinkies and shit is some kind of healing and catharsis for me / us. i've also got a bit more of a relationship to irl stuff that doesn't normally go on neocities than enforcer does; see my being something of an rsd holder / safe mode boot -- The Enforcer is an idealized concept who does not experience dysphoria and exists solely intellectually. i escaped my goddamned fate, which includes our shitty hometown, the shitty people we knew there, and the gender dysphoria and trauma bullshit ur still never gonna know what that trauma actually IS but part of the core etf / fir concept is us being the warrior who escaped his fate and became the man we knew ourselves to be, overcoming both past trauma inflicted upon us and how we used to be kinda an asshole, so that's a core part of me / something enforcer has reframed through the special interest / nonhuman id. i do also want revenge tho now, if ur reading this, you SHOULD be thinking "wait, ronnie hasn't improved as a person at all and has only made himself worse; is that really what u want 2 b emulating?" and you're totally right. I AM NOT RONNIE. FUCK RONNIE RADKE AND EVERYTHING HE IS AND DOES. see, I'm what we THOUGHT we signed up for with falling in reverse. i'm the character he portrays and what he claims to stand for and doesn't actually. HE IS NOT A MAD GENIUS. HE IS NOT A SUPERVILLAIN. HE IS NOT A VOICE FOR OUTCASTS. HE DID NOT ESCAPE HIS FATE. I AM AND I DID. i am the promise falling in reverse failed to keep; i am the hatchet they failed to bury; i am what the drug in me is you sounds like to me personally and what popular monster and watch the world burn would be if ronnie hadn't fuckin ruined them. falling in reverse failed to be what they promised me with my special interest so i'm gonna fuckin do it myself with 90% less ronnie oh, and shit after 2023? that isn't falling in reverse. enforcer ate ronald's soul and took the falling in reverse concept core from him and absorbed it into themself, where it kinda uh rubbed off on them (turns out they're not totally immune to ronnie slime) and that's what i am. they are falling in reverse now but i'm even more falling in reverse than they are but that meanws Ronnie ISN'T and the shit from popular monster 2024 is an IMPOSTOR and NOT VALID and ACTIVELY POISONOUS bad guy 2024 would be kinda gender though if it iddn't suck anyway uh here are some things i like
i'm pretty damned blurry with enforcer, so these are all also things they like? whenever i'm in front they're never not also there, hence why we don't consider ourselves to be a system along with all the complicated tumblr (derogatory) discourse + lack of good psych research regarding that. PLURALITY GUIDES / FORUMS REGULARLY MAKE US DISSOCIATE / DYSPHORIC. DO NOT SEND THEM TO ME. not sure if i'm a separate entity from enforcer per se, or not. i like referring to myself in the first person as separate from them; it feels good, but they're still kinda around? i'm as discussed a little less of them than their other more intense nonhuman shifts; even when they are hardcore more snake / dragon / giratina / etc. than usual they are still fundamentally them; I don't think I quite have the same thought process?? anyway uh I use more emojis and abbreviations and have a more casual typing style than they do; you mostly see this on thoughts.page it's my favorite platform. idk if i'm gonna update this site much bc i like thoughts.page as a blog (appeals to my myspace status update memories) but this is kinda a core information hub for My Shit for our reference, writing it down in the first time i've really been solidly established and hardcore distinct from enforcer and recognized as such (although i think that's happened before re: their getting "possessed") with the physical body, i'm more flamboyant in body language than enforcer, their eyes kinda widen, they're more willing to let their hair floof out which they usually hate, and they're less focused and often feel sorta lightheaded when i'm running. it's like, they've for a long time described the sensation of being in special interest mode as kinda like how they imagine being high would feel (we have never done a non prescription drug and don't plan to for a number of reasons u don't need to know) re: the kinda floatin above the body, the lightening of social inhibitions, and the not being all there but like having a good time. and our focus gets weird as discussed; i am less intellectual than enforcer and have a much more direct monologue to writing transcription the drug in them is me; i don't need drugs because i kinda am although drugs (2019) is hella lackluster as is sexy drug (2015) we've got the same style, because enforcer considers themself the embodiment of our special interests so we are always ronniecore, but i specifically really like tank tops / just going around shirtless, my long sleeved fishnet shirt (sometimes modern ronnie has some good ideas), and long sleeved t-shirts / flannels; they make me feel super masc. i also like necklaces and scene belts, which again, enforcer does too so if i'm gonna use a metaphor for what's going on here and how it isn't exactly plurality (i do not care about syscourse terminology or terms coined by anyone on tumblr; do not send them or wikis to me), it's like i'm not booting a different os but i'm running in windows xp compatibility mode. i'm a subset or spinoff of enforcer but at least with the programs i am running / what i am doing at the time, they have no way of knowing that I'm NOT a separate entity, but we still share everything and enforcer can be there running other apps in the background? idk. i do literally run windows xp though uh that's all i got for now, i don't want to talk about it well clearly i do? there's also some 2 be discussed with my origins and the distinction between me and the special interest group leaders but i don't feel like doing that right now so ll8r <3 we used to have a "sicarian mindscape" document that listed all the deets of our headspace and the special interest group leaders, and the distinction between reverse-el and me (back when i was referred to as "the beast" / "demon ronnie" and was a little more ronnie and meaner than i am now), but we lost it with the backup failure in december '25, and while we were able to recover LEGITERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE that was i guess 2 powerful so i'll need to rewrite it or have enforcer do it when they're feeling more introspective idk man i just live here |
fast facts
 im this album cover but a guy
|
Theme:
